Saturday, February 28, 2009

What If..

What if I die tomorrow?
What if the dead lives again?
What if I become a guy?
What if I have the pure heart?
What if I climb the Everest?

What if I kill people?
What if I am blind?
What if I have no one?
What if I’ll never cry?
What if I’ll be left alone?

What if I never achieve my goal?
What if I fail in my life?
What if I am a handicapped?
What if no one loves me?
What if I am unsound mind?

What if I can predict the future?
What if I’m not going to heaven?
What if I can turn back the time?
What if there will be no death?
What if there will be no divorce?

What if there will be no sex?
What if all the man kind being the same?..

I feel Hurt


This evening I keep on thinking ,what i should post in this blog. Then my mind suddenly pop up to this matter.. But before i further to this matter, i want to remind to all readers, i just want to share it here and i have no intention to hurt anyone feelings..

Honestly to say, i really love her. But i don't know how to show these to her. I know she loves me too. But maybe, she afraid and shy to show it to me, and mum too.. She is young, beautiful.. I know that. That is why mum and i too worried about her. I hate to say this, i hate her boyfriend very much. I don't know is just my bad instinct when i first meet him. I really hope he is not her life partner..

My lil' sister, how i hope that you will listen and understand what we are trying to say to you??.. but you are so stuborn..and now, i really don't know what to do..mau di marah, kena marah balik...mau diam, pun susah juga...entahlah...huhh...

All my sins, I now detest them..Never will I sin again..

God of Mercy and Compassion
God of mercy and compassion,
look with pity upon me,
Father, letme call Thee Father,
'Tis Thy child returns to Thee
++ Jesus, Lord, I ask for mercy;
Let me not implore in vain;
All my sins, I now detest them,
Never will I sin again.
By my sins I have deserved
Death and endless misery,
Hell with all its pains and torments
And for all eternity.++
By my sins I have abandoned
Right and claim to heav'n above
Where the saints rejoice forever
in a boundless sea of love.++
See our Saviour, bleeding, dying,
On the cross of Calvary;
To that cross my sins have nail'd Him
Yet He bleeds and dies for me.++

Monday, February 23, 2009

Birthday Wishes

Happy Birthday sweet 18 to you, my beloved lil' sister..
Though you may be not realize..
How me, mum and your two big brothers are really care and love you..
you seems too busy with your boyfriend,friends, your sister angkat & abang angkat.. hurt us...
you are grown up now my dear sister..
and i'm still worried about you..
eventhough you think that you can decide by your own now..
but are still my little sister, you know..
i may be not as beautiful, as cool, as smart as you are hoping to have for a big sister ..
and i know, you even never want to share your dreams and your girly secret to me..
but still..i'm still love you..
i wish you all the best for your future undertakings..
may Lord always give you His blessings, His love, His protection for you...
lil' sister,
Happy Birthday...
we love you!

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Suddenly thought about this..

This few days i feel so weak...suddenly all my 'sakit' keluar.. Like i feel i'm near to death ni.. I don't know why.. So, i would like to say i love you to my mum, brothers and sister, friends..before it is too late..Thanks for everything..

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Suratan atau Kebetulan?

Sesuatu yang tak disangka
seringkali mendatangi kita
itukah suratan dalam kehidupan
atau sekadar satu kebetulan

Kita asyik membicarakan
persoalan hidup dan pilihan
serta kejujuran semakin berkurang
masih tiada bertemu jawapan

Walau kita dihadapkan
dengan pelbagai pilihan
mengapa sering terjadi
pilihan tak menepati
Hingga amat menakutkan
menghadapi masa depan
seolah telah terhapus
sebuah kehidupan yang kudus

Pertemuan sekali ini
bagi diri ku amat bererti
tetapi ku bimbang untuk menyatakan
bimbangkan berulang kesilapan

~I suddenly thought about him today..I just wish, I will never meet him again. As like the lyric written, 'hingga amat menakutkan,,menghadapi masa depan...'


Just want to say i am too tired pressing the culculater everyday, watching the computer screen for hours, and doing the same task all the i know it is not that easy..huhu..

Monday, February 9, 2009

Another memories..

when i look at this picture again, how i miss those 3 years memories..
So sad, but life must goes on..

Friday, February 6, 2009

TIME (Where all the times gone?)

Time is a created thing. To say "I don't have time" is to say "I don't want to."
LAO TZU, O Magazine, Jan. 2007

“~sigh~.. I don’t have enough time to do it..” .

I just heard this phrase (betul ka ni? Hehe..) from my boss this evening. And I decide to write in my blog. Do you have the same feeling or situations as my boss facing? As for me, I do ever face the same problem. One of it is when I was a student- where there are too many assignments, events such tests, quizzes or universities program that needs the student participation, etc..

Do you feel that you are using your time completely? For me, I will say NO. Why? Because I realize that I have wasting too much time doing nothing.. And, the two things that I most regret are when I’ve wait this guy for a long time and suddenly I just get his message – he don’t want me.. And I fail to say I LOVE YOU to my dad before he left us..


What is perfectionist? Is it wrong to be perfectionist? Why perfectionist? Who is perfectionist? How to avoid from becoming perfectionist? What is the benefit and disadvantage for being perfectionist? What are the symptoms of being a perfectionist? All these questions suddenly appear when I thought about it. Do you a perfectionist person?

A friend of mine ever told me that I am a perfectionist person. And he/she sounds like being a perfectionist is not good for me. To me, there is no wrong or right answer for a person’s opinion. It actually all depends on the perceptions of the person itself. Some may agree, and some may disagree.

So, how about you? Are you a perfectionist person??


Last few days I had watch this movie (sorry I forget the title.. but it doesn’t matter after all). These women had made her opinion about what is the meaning of depression. She says, “Depression comes from the stress feeling” or it also comes from “losing they loved one”..

So then, I realized something about myself. Deep down inside my heart says that..”Gee…I have faced this situation before..”. On that time I feel like there is no life for me and I feel everyone hates me. So as the circumstances, I decide to dislike myself (as the effect, I always get mood swings) and I start to punished myself. How? I’ve hurt myself-by injuring my both hand. I don’t feel that it is wrong after all because I thought that I am not hurting anybody. I never felt that it was hurt after all. Thus, it makes feel a little relief…I don’t know why.. I do ever thinking of killing suicide too. But, thank God for His love, I’ve been saved. I don’t know how to explain the feeling I’ve felt on that time and why but I just feel that He near to me and care for me..

Well, that’s my past stories and I realize that all the things I do on that time is not a good thing for me. I’ve change (I think so) but I know I’m not completely change.

How about you? Have you ever been in this situation before? or maybe..your friends? How do you facing it or helping your friend ?

Sunday, February 1, 2009

i'm Tired..

I am tired...really-really think all of this..I wonder why people seems so hard to accept me? Am i too ugly? am I too shy? am I too hard to understand? I feel lost. And I really don't know what to do..

Am i sick??

this few days i feel so confuse...
there are times i feel like i want to scold someone
like i want to hit someone
and trying to find someones mistakes so that i can scold them
so many things i had imagined in my head
until i think i might be crazy
am i sick??